The Lighter Side of the Black Pill

“when you leave a cookie in the oven too long” – @idiot_ teen

Politics is retarded. Only powerful crystals can save us. The attempt at persuasion of people is mostly pointless. You can articulate your position expertly, easily refuting the same flimsy arguments and pathetic clich├ęs you’ve heard a thousand times. Meanwhile, transracial pop star Ariana Grande tweets nothing but “goo goo gaga” baby talk all day long and has 59 million loyal followers. Perhaps you believe that by mastering the language of “goo goo gaga” baby talk, you can enlist and mobilize 60 million empty vessels toward the project of securing your fleeting geopolitical ends. Wouldn’t it be just as fruitful to purchase a packet of sea monkeys and appoint yourself their supreme overlord? Before you start thinking about how you’re going to “save” Western civilization with your based dwarven fash army, have a look around. Half your office is probably already filled with Indian programmers who’ve never even seen an episode of 90210. Most people can’t even handle the level of civilization required to adhere to the assigned parking spaces map in a typical suburban apartment complex. Whatever remains of the prospect of any meaningful nationalism (in the US at least) has already been ruined by mathematically challenged, short sighted, Neo-Quaylist, “family values” tradfag retreads like….well I won’t name any names because there’s no point. They’ll never get it. In fact, if by some miracle these wacktivists are successful in reclaiming or “saving” anything, the resulting society will likely be a place equally or less desirable to live in than what would exist otherwise. In other words, they’re offering at best a zero sum outcome, like Tic Tac Toe. There is no viable electoral pathway toward overcoming the legislative and judicial obstacles standing in the way of restoring or even maintaining a nation-state that would exist in any recognizable form other than name only. Why throw your support behind politicians and “thought” leaders that don’t have your back and don’t even share your goals. Why make common cause with people who aren’t on remotely the same page as each other and who may not even understand what your core beliefs are? Why aspire to become some Mr Potato-Head barbarian when you can immortalize yourself in the world of Melrose Place fanfiction?

Above all else, whenever you start lapsing into romantic idealizations of humanity, it’s important to remember that people are pests. To quote Uncle Charlie in Shadow of a Doubt:

You go through your ordinary little day and at night you sleep your untroubled, ordinary little sleep filled with peaceful, stupid dreams. And I brought you nightmares! Or did I, or was it a silly inexpert little lie. You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? Do you know the world is a foul sty? Do you know if you rip the fronts off houses you’d find swine? The world’s a hell. What does it matter what happens in it? Wake up, Charlie! Use your wits. Learn something.

The only way forward is to check out and ascend into the ether, carving out a portably permeative, floating couch cushion fort existence somewhere over the heads of the tot bots …and through the place which can only be reached by those with the capacity to detect its presence.

Birthday Boy 22nd Anniversary Edition

Since today is my birthday, you can take this opportunity to purchase a limited edition cassette of a crappy lo-fi EP I released in 1996, (which has been re-released by a label in Eugene, Oregon without my knowledge or permission.) I guess I’ve finally reached the age as an artist where young people take up an interest my shitty and obscure early recordings, so I’m honored and grateful for that. I may not be worthy of such recognition, but no one can ever say I didn’t pay my dues.

Birthday Boy was originally released in October of 1996. It was recorded on a Fostex XR-3 when I lived in my first apartment, at Desert Star Apartments in Phoenix, AZ. The complex was a mildly seedy dump back then, but now resembles a dangerous, post apocalyptic wasteland. The apartment only came with basic cable, of which the only cable channels included were The Family Channel, C-Span and the E! Channel. That’s it, nothing else. Living on my own and knowing very few people in the city, I spent most of my spare time watching the E! Channel, which at the time featured reruns of Melrose Place, WKRP in Cincinnati, One Day at a Time, and Alice. Regular tv also aired reruns of Charlie’s Angels and The Rockford Files during this period. I mention this because the era has become an enduring inspiration for me and a formative part of my identity.

Since I was living a fairly isolated lifestyle and wasn’t socially active, I frequently wrote songs about the lives of characters on the shows I was watching. For example, the second track on Birthday Boy is titled Right Back Where I Started, but the lyrics actually chronicle the romantic and often diabolic misadventures of the character Michael on Melrose Place. There are dozens of similar recordings which once existed, such as my spoken word cover of the theme song of WKRP in Cincinnati (which was re-worded and adapted to be about Arizona.) Sadly, I have moved nearly 30 times since then, and these other recordings have all been lost over the years…having been last seen around the year 2004 or so.)

The show Alice was also a show which I found oddly relatable as an 18 year old young man. The plot of Alice was centered around a woman who was driving to Los Angeles to start a new life and pursue a singing career, but her car broke down in Phoenix. She ends up staying in suburban Phoenix after she’s forced to take a job at a diner there to make ends meet, and the place starts to grow on her.

Anyway, that is the story of Birthday Boy. The cassette re-release can be purchased HERE. Special thanks to Captain Crook Records for rediscovering this uncharted “fool’s gold” record. The limited edition cassette re-release is almost sold out, but Birthday Boy (along with many other recordings) can still be purchased through iTunes as well.

Click here to purchase on iTunes

An obscure 90’s oddity, Birthday Boy’s aesthetic resembles something of a “Lo-Fi Leisure Suit Larry.” The song, Right Back Where I Started chronicles the love life of the character Michael from the show, Melrose Place. Originally released on cassette in 1996, this is one the most unusual recordings from a highly experimental era of indie alternative music.